And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
