i'm signing you up for texting rehab
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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