I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
