as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
