TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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