it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
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I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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