i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
