the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Randomize
