TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
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