Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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