I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize