I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
