do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
