Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
