There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
