i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
