She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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