he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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