If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
