she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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