What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
