But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Can Purell be used as lube?
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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