Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
