I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
