I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Soap is not a condiment
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
