I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
