your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
