The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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