maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
this hospital has no fireball
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
