i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
