Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
