How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
