now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
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WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
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Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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