Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
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