why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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