You don't have asthma, your pregnant
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Randomize
