im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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