you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Randomize
