I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Randomize
