literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
