So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
