he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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