and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
