my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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