Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
why do cheetos always look like penises
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
