so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize