Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
