I think i sorta joined a cult last night
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
