She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize