You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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