And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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