She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
