sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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