Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
