im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
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the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
My ass is underappreciated
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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