You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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