He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
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Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
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Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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