Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
