Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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