She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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